Linda: “Steve, you’re being a moron!”
Steve: “Huh?”
Linda: “Just kidding, you know what I mean. But, seriously honey I’ve given you directions a million times! ”
Translation: No, he didn’t know what she meant, and she wasn’t kidding. She was kidding covering.
Now, I’m a fan of funny, and as a comedian, we say what we want to say through basic fundamentals: authenticity and truth. As I always say to students, stand up is a platform to express who you are. And while we can’t control who laughs, you are the conductor and the one in control. So to me saying “just kidding” is a contraction to that authenticity. It’s a bandaid to placate, or dismiss what’s underneath. Stand up spills the truth behind the “just kidding” facade. It’s sugar in the raw. Which is much sweeter than Nutri-sweet, Sweet & Low , or the Just kidding artificial flavoring to cover up what’s really going on.
I have a family member who uses a different phrase, but similar in effect. That phrase is: “not like that.” (FYI: “family member” is for fear he or she may read this, but then again she probably won’t). Just kidding. Anyway, whenever he/she says “Not like that.” It means: Exactly “Like that”.
Pat: “Ran into Mickey, he looks really different. Barely recognized him. I mean, not like that.”
Me: “Like what?”
Pat “You know I mean, he looks good, just different.”
Me: “Oh, so you mean, not like that, but like that, and different meaning, not so good?”
Pat “Yes, he was always such a looker, you know? But what happened?.. Life wounds I guess- just kidding!”
Me: “No you’re not.”
Pat: “Not what?”
Me: Kidding. I mean “Not like that.”
Look, I get it. Sometimes, it’s hard to say it how it is. In quarantine I’ve been experimenting with this. I used to not know how to say no without long windedness, and over explaining. But not anymore. If I don't feel like talking, I don’t. No longer ramble off the excuses to why I can’t attend the next zoom, or call, with overcompensating emails, emoij’s and voice memos, to be sure everyone is feeling ok. If I’m not feeling up to things, it’s just: “No, thanks”. No kidding covering, or over explaining, just a simple “no thanks.”
(No, not like that).
If only 45 would say: “Just kidding!” after saying how terrific things are. Sadly, he can’t finish a sentence without a long winded deflection like a rat chasing his own tail, and our livlihoods are on the heels of relief from EDD, masks, booze, toilet paper, more booze, cake, with a dollop of hopes and prayers. Hard to keep things simple when there is so much unknown. And sadly “just kidding” doesn’t even work as an attempt to cushion or heal the gaping wounds of uncertainty. Guess the only direct answer would be: VOTE. (different blog- but YES YES VOTE!!! Biden/Harris - not kidding).
The other day I was at Trader Joe’s getting my weekly groceries.
The check out clerk was incredibly friendly (as all are at Trader Joe’s, it’s like that is a given no matter which one you shop in, they are ALL gracious, and kind). The only disappointment was noticing the paper bags didn’t have handles.Luckily my mask covered up my curled lip of dismay - because all I could think of was how would I be able to maneuver all these bags, and a leash walking Luna back home? So, after items were bagged, the cashier attendant looked at me and asked “Is there anything else I can help you with?” And although my impulse was to say something long winded or and indirect like: “Where are those extra hands when ya’ need em to carry? - Just kidding!” “Sure be nice to walk with one of those carts a bit further than the exit sign-Just kidding!” Or “Highlights to single life - Just kidding!” I responded with: “I actually don’t need bags, I’ll put the items in my shoulder bag, and back pack. It’ll be easier to handle walking home.”
“Sure thing, no problem, thanks for letting me know!”
No kidding covering. No crutches to catch the awkward fall, and no bandaid to cover the oozing awkwardness.
Just do it. Just say no. No, thank you even better.
Not kidding.
Stay safe, and keep laughing through. It’s the music of the soul.